The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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