Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
accomplished twins. life is a go
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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