It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
