you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
