You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
