On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
