I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
