that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
