he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
