So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
