i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
