My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
