I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
You need a sexual gate keeper
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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