She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
did i walk over a car last night?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
