I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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