i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Randomize
