he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
