worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
