just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
