I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
