I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
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