Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
