On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
