the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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