i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
