Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
