just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
