3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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