I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
