Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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