last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
