yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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