I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
