This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
You brought string cheese to the strip club
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
