Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
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