She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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