goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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