I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Duck Duck Cougar?
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize