are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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