yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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