He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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