Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
