I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
