Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
