I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
