im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
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