What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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