FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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