based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Randomize
