i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
