why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
