Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
