Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
