I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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