If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
