tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
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