trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Randomize
