you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
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