What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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