gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
