Got a toothbrush?
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Randomize
