Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
