i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
