just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Randomize