I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
