We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
