Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
