dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
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