It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Randomize
