there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
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