this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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