Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
