So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
