the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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