i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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