Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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