How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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