I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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