i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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