I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
