just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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