We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
