I am midnight drunk by noon
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
