how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
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